And we have a winner!

Beating incredible odds and a looming deadline, San Diego’s Ambassador of Sass — Shana Manion — walks away with the prize by answering the most Cool Jerk trivia questions correctly! Here are the questions (numerals) Shana’s answers (SM) and my comments (PH):

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1.) Start you off with an easy one: What is the alter ego of Spittle Beach’s very own “superhero” Dangerman?

SM: Dan German. Don’t waste my time, Horn.

PH: Indeed. Dan German aka Dangerman debuted in Cool Jerk in 1993 – a full decade before Dan Slott introduced the character Dan Jermain aka Danger Man in “She-Hulk” #2.

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2.) Took me by surprise, too: Besides blonde hair, blue eyes, a razor-sharp wit and living in an obviously fictitious SoCal beach city, Puppy Fizgig and Veronica Mars have one thing in common. WHAT IS IT?

SM: If I watched television, perhaps I could answer this. I have never had a desire to see Enrico Colantoni in a furry/fetish sorta way… so let’s hope it’s not that.

PH: Not to my knowledge. We were looking for “They both work at ‘Java the Hut.'” Java the Hut. Sorry. And, again, MY Java the Hut was introduced in 1992. Maybe Kristen Bell saw an old Cool Jerk and suggested it to the producers of “Veronica Mars?” We may never know.

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3.) Who was devoured by DeeDee’s butt?

SM: Manuel Dexterity. You win (lose?) the prize for “Comic with the Lamest and Most Contrived Character Names”, by the way. Buster Moves? My condolences.

PH: Correct on Manuel. And this comes from a fellow cartoonist whose comic published in the “24 Hour Comics Day Highlights 2005” anthology stars “Miss Anthropy” and her little brother “Phil.” oh SNAP!

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4.) Jeffrey Dahmer. Kurt Cobain. Chris Farley. J. Howard Marshall II. Moe. They’ve all appeared in Cool Jerk as themselves and they all have something in common… EXCEPT ONE. Who’s the odd man out and why?

SM: I may be wrong here… haven’t checked dates and all, but… YOU KILLED THEM ALL, YOU SICK BASTARD!!!! Well, ‘cept Moe. He had achieved doornail status long before you featured him. But the others were happily minding their own celebrity business pre-Cool Jerk guest spot… then they bit it. Promise me I’ll never have a cameo in your comic, Horn.

PH: Correct! I thought this was easily the most-difficult question, but Shana t-balled on it and POW! Outta the park! I could’ve also put Michael Hutchence (from INXS) in the roll call except that strip isn’t in the, um, morgue.

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5.) This one’s a doozy: He’s almost always barefoot, BUT in how many Cool Jerk strips do we actually see Armpit wearing footwear of some kind? (Note: I’m not making this a trick question — if you can’t see his feet or if they’re in silhouette, it’s implied that he’s barefoot.) I’m looking for descriptions of the strips, not just the number. For example, “The one where Armpit gets a back-alley colonic, the one where Armpit…” etc.

SM: DAMN you, Paul Horn! Damn you and your addictive creation to HELL!!

Senior Prom – no tux is one thing… but ROLLER BLADES? Second instance of a shoe-clad jerk was the one-panel Armpit-and-Puppy-go-to-scary-hardcore-concert-dressed-like-they-gots-themselves-some-Saturday-Night-Fever strip. Who doesn’t get hot wearing polyester? (There’s also) one where Armpit and Manhattan are reviving the bad fashion trends of the seventies in the “Judge Thredd” story arc – hand-tooled leather boots. Armpit wears shoes when he rips the Senior guidance counselor a new one right before graduation. THAT IS IT. I WASH MY HANDS OF YOUR COMIC AND ITS FOOTWEAR OR LACK THEREOF… DO YOU HEAR ME??!

PH: So very close. Yes, those four are the ones that everyone found… but the FIFTH and final one is where Armpit is disguised as Eddie Vedder to fake out Shannen Doherty. Birkenstocks, baby!

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And so there you have it. Shana gets a coolio* Cool Jerk T-shirt (or tank) of her choice!

A big thanks to her and to the scores of you subscribing fans who participated in this little game! The common rabble — i.e. those who wandered onto the Cool Jerk site who DON’T get my weekly e-reminder — weren’t privy to this contest, so they missed out!

I’ll have another contest in a while, so keep reading! And if you’re not a subscriber, mouse down the the bottom of the page and SIGN UP so you won’t miss out!

* not Coolio.