Posts Tagged “Parasitic”

DOCtoberFest 2014 Day 8: “Parasitic” (2012)

Now we’re talking…!

I could not avoid the temptation any longer, and just blew about 80 minutes of my lifetime watching “Parasitic” (2012).

It has the feel of a student film; certainly the budget of one. It’s really nothing more than an excuse for Tim Martin — the writer/producer/director/creature designer — to film a handful of strip-club riffraff being attacked (mostly off screen) by a self-propelled pair of fake breasts with an 18-inch phallus jutting from her neck.

This movie had the feel of one of those Cinemax horror movies that’s really just a soft-core porn with some rubber monsters thrown in. The dialog and acting is atrocious… almost exactly like “Clerks,” “Chasing Amy” or “Mallrats.” (That’s not a joke.) I want to think I’m missing the point — like this is an ode to old-timey low-budget schlock splatter movies from the ’70s and ’80s… but no, that’s giving this film too much credit.

That being said, “Parasitic” is not without its share of laughs.

You have a little something there…


“Val” — the cartoonishly endowed night club manager — eats some bad sushi and goes to the bathroom to puke green-black slime in the sink. Afterward, she decides she’d feel better if she took of her skin-tight tank top (1). Well, she pukes again. So she decides to ditch the bra, too (2). Because that’s what ALL WOMEN DO WHEN THE BARF — THEY TAKE OFF THEIR TOPS. Well, good thing she did, because seconds later her neck gives birth to a corrugated horse dick (3).

Not to kick a movie when it’s down, but that’s just one scene of insanely poor writing. There’s so much more. Apparently no one has a cell phone to call for help, and the only land line in the bar is in a locked office. Another example: a guy in the downstairs cold storage room sets himself on fire with a Bic lighter and he’s reduced to near “Uncle Owen charred skeleton” status — all within 5 minutes — and yet produces no smoke or smell that would be noticed by the others in the night club?

One of the worst. Doc Splatter gives it a double F, which matches “Val’s” bra. Available on Netflix if you must.


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